We all know that birth is a life changing event and many times we have not prepared for it but can we really ever prepare for the other side of birth and parenting?
Babees are born once!
You hear that!! Babees are born only once but their birthing experience will stay with you forever. You will never forget how you birthed and who was there and most importantly who was not there to support you through pregnancy to postpartum.
Ever.
Having had two C-sections, at first I wouldn’t necessarily say that the births were traumatic, the staff was. Ice but they serve trauma wrapped up in a bow and a smile too. In hindsight and with the doula training that I have received for physiological birth, there were hands down many unnecessary interventions that led to a traumatic birth and a difficult postpartum. C-sections are traumatic although they maybe life saving for some they are not natural at all to say the least especially when they aren’t the expected or planned outcome you had for delivery. They managed my birth as a dis-ease and not the wonderfully designed phenomenon that it was. Those interventions led to a very difficult postpartum experience, especially with my first.
I was admitted 37 weeks licking an ice cream cone with a BP of 180/120. Like how did we get here?! After admission my tests came back positive for preeclampsia. The only remedy is to deliver. Yet they allowed me to labor with intervention after intervention for five days. Intuitively, my safest thought was to just get to 38 weeks for my son. Intuitively, I kept eating and putting another round of interventions off for several hours each time I ate. Intuitively, I thought how can I labor when I’m starving. Every nurse in that hospital had their chance of “checking me” to see how far along I was. Every nurse or doctor it seems. My final deal breaker was what seemed like a 7 foot Black make OB with hands that could probably palm a basketball offering to check me. Nope! Call it! Let’s do the surgery. Three days later I was left feeling empty and disconnected from my babee and at times when I looked at him it was a reminder of the last week or so I spent in the hospital. After eating the most healthiest I possibly could (I mean, I went on a whole 21 day no sugar fast while pregnant) because that’s the cure all, right? to managing the worst postpartum hypertension for two weeks and now the anxiety of my capabilities to feed him my breast milk. The milk was THERE but he also had an undiagnosed tongue tie which left me with excruciatingly painful latching, engorgement which led to me experiencing mastitis by week 4. It was a HOT mess and just too much to handle.
Although I had the support of my husband and family emotionally and physically with the kids it was still physically hard to manage my internal challenges with my mind, body and babee.
Having a babee wasn’t supposed to be this hard, right? But it was, from all of the unnecessary interventions that left me feeling inadequate about my body’s capabilities, as a mother for not knowing all the answers and not being able to soothe my tensiones filled hunger babee in the postpartum. I gave in and gave him formula which I thought would help but it didn’t. I was still crazy. It was chaotic and it wasn’t the most loving experience that I could give him or myself either. I was disappointed and defeated.
Fast forward, just a year later I delivered my second son by yet another unnecesarean. That’s another post though.
I remember reflecting on my past birth just staring at my swaddled son after delivery in his hospital bassinet, pondering would this happen all over again with high blood pressure, anxiety, and a failed breastfeeding attempt. Would my body fail me again? Praying he would sleep just a little longer before the first latch. And there she stood over me, charting away asking me all the questions of how I’m feeling and we got to “Are you going to breastfeed?” Pause. Am I? Me responding “I don’t think I can. It didn’t work out for me the first time.” This concerned but stern and soothing Senegalese nurse turned and told me the most encouraging words I needed. “I’m off in two days. We have some work to do!” I needed that! She encouraged me and reminded me of my strength and that I can always try again and you never know it just may work out for me. She unswaddled him and helped me latch my babee patiently and there begun the initiation of breastfeeding unlike the help of lactation consultant that “helped” me the first time wheeling in formula and a pump after requesting for initiation assistance. It was a magical feeling, that gentle tug and the closeness of him. I didn’t want to let him go and I didn’t. The nurses weren’t too happy with me co sleeping with him in my chest but I wasn’t willing to take the chance of not giving him the opportunity to breastfeed again. Oh, he’s staying right here in my chest for the next few days. And did!
I truly believe that breastfeeding in that moment was the catalyst to me having a more positive birth and postpartum experience. It gave me something to look forward to when I got home and to care for my other son too. Would he latch again too. Hell nawl! He was not having it, lol. Bottle me please is what he said!
If you’ve been here long enough then you know my late sister, Kai, is my muse for the work that I do with Black mothers. She firmly believed in the power of her birthing body and the healing my babee could provide IF I allowed it to happen or surrendered to the process and let my babee lead the way as she put it. She home birthed, breastfed, massaged, bed shared and babee wore all of her kids and it worked for her mothering, softly. The same acts she tried to get me to do with my first but I didn’t adhere to. Instead I listened to what Western medicine recommended which was self independence for a mother and babee and it was very isolating. ZERO stars and do not recommend. Her passing three months after I delivered my first gave me the fuel to try what she did and implement in my next birth hoping for a better experience and it did. My self determination was an homage to her and it worked.
Thank you, Kai!
I also believe in my grief it was my saving Grace and brought me closer to my babees because all I wanted to do was get in the bed, eat good food, nurse, rest and enjoy them the best that I could. That bed was a safe space, a learning space for me all while a place of solace too. Imagine that. That bed saved me! But I began to use massage into my daily and nightly routines as well. Mostly as a distraction from the sadness at the time. Every bath included a soft experience for my boys with music, eye gazing and a loving touch. I looked forward to bath time with them. A place to unwind and possibly rebirth my babees. I wasn’t as consistent with my first son with massage but this time it just felt different like what I was doing was what I needed and they needed too. My second son seemed to latch better, pain free, hardly cried at all like my first and was just a more relaxed and engaged babee. This made my second experience a much smoother.
Through my doula and birth trainings, I thoroughly understood the need of the power of touch and the birth hormone oxytocin for spontaneous labor and a less painful birth. This was validated by my training with Infant Massage USA that it is just as beneficial for infants too. I learned that oxytocin is the most common and bonding hormone from childbirth, breastfeeding and postpartum. It gets you pregnant, unpregnant, gets the milk to flow and eases your emotions with more happy hormones too. Oxytocin should emphatically be one of the first interventions, alongside care plans, that is recommended to a new mother and her babee instead of putting them in containers, strollers and bouncers. Rebirthing is key to your postpartum. Surrender.
“According to research at Stanford University, infant massage can improve babies’ sleep, reduce fussiness, increase relaxation for mothers and infants, improve lactation for mothers, and reduce postpartum depression in mother”
We should bring our babees in for the benefits of oxytocin. My second son also had an undiagnosed lip and tongue tie and our journey still lasted 13 months. A completely different and less painful experience from my first and I have to believe that it was partly due to the body massages that I gave daily, the side lying for neck extension which led to better tongue range of motion, bed sharing and constant babee wearing as well because they all induced oxytocin. Oxytocin also brings with it the happy hormones dopamine and serotonin that can reduce anxiety and depression. Our bonding was a lot stronger with my second than it was with my first. I would melt when engaging with my babee and it felt like only I could soothe him which gave me the confidence to mother my kids gently. I still implemented a gentle and loving massage with my first son that was a toddler and it made a significant difference in his 90 minute sleeping spells to hours at night.
So, what does the research say?!
Western culture has just recently been introduced to infant massage in 1978 by a yogi named Vimala Schneider McClure who worked in orphanages in India. Infant massage incorporates Swedish and Indian massage, reflexology, and yoga techniques. But it also has been used in all African and Indigenous parts of the world as well. As usual the West, is always behind in the knowledge of holistic traditions that a mother can also heal herself and her babee too with her hands and without a prescription or device.
First lets start with the benefits:
GENTLE Massage provides relief of colic, constipation, tension, improves sleep, improved latching which can impact milk supply, communication, motor skills, increased weight gain, decrease in jaundice, pain relief, reduction of anxiety and stress, quicker discharge of NICU babees, and most importantly increases bonding with babee.
I mean…..what can’t GENTLE infant massage achieve with a little touch of love.
I stress gentle because this isn’t the deep pressure massage that you would receive as an adult which can injure your little one but a gentle touch just a level above a tickle that is implemented on your babee. Do you’re not sure how much pressure to use, reach out to a professional that can demonstrate how to apply a light and gentle strokes to your babee.
And of course I have to connect the huge benefits it has for breastfeeding families and oral restrictions for relief of body tension and facial muscles for a better latch which can enhance your milk supply.
This home based type of therapy can decrease the symptoms in a mother diagnosed with postpartum depression simply by touching your babee. Infant massage allows the mother and babee to connect on a more intimate level. It stimulates the senses of touch, sight, sound and communication in both mother and babee. These interactions during massage cause positive effects on the mother psychologically and physiologically.
When you massage your babee it stimulates a positive reaction of healing to build your confidence. Those smiles, laughs and eye gazing do it every time for a new mother and encourages them to keep going too. I thoroughly enjoy conducting sessions because moms enjoy it and so do the babees. They are hilarious once they find a stroke they love and adamant about not wanting to move from it. Your mind can focus and negate those intrusive thoughts on parenting your babee too.
Stress and Love Cannot Coexist!!
Physiologically, the stress hormone cortisol decreases. There is a release of oxytocin (the love/cuddle) hormone with touch therapy as well. The mother’s breathing slows down, her muscles relax, and her facial expressions can show softening.
The benefits are endless and it’s a movement and hill I’m willing to die on especially for the Black birth experience with moms having rates higher rates of cesareans, NICU babees and traumatic births. I cannot emphasize the importance of getting back to touching our babees intentionally to reverse the traumatic events of birthing experiences and even past traumatic life events. Infant massage is also an equity issue too as it is not recommended as often as it should be in our communities as a proven and effective way to reduce the ailments listed above.
Birth doesn’t always go as planned. If your little one faced a difficult start—C-section, NICU time, or struggles with breastfeeding—you’re not alone. Many families carry invisible scars: stress, feeding frustrations, and disconnection. Infant massage offers a gentle, nurturing path to reconnect with your babee, reduce their discomfort, and rebuild your confidence as a parent.
Help me bring equity to our communities!! If you or someone you know is a NICU family, please take this brief survey and share as well.
If you’re experiencing a disconnect with your babee and just can’t shake the trauma or memory of your birth, I highly encourage you to try infant massage. I offer free sessions with a booking of a lactation visit or birth package through January. I have a free 3 session group workshop coming January 15, 22, & 29 for moms that are feeling the tug of returning to work and leaving their babees. Infant massage works for so many transitions of parenting. Join us here for three free sessions today.
I wish you hope and healing in your journeys.
Warmly,
Jada
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